Didn't try this at home

When we bought our first house, we paid an electrician God knows how much money fix the wiring. There were switches and outlets that didn't work. The guy comes, climbs into the attic, looks around and says the problem is that the previous owner was a do-it-yourselfer, only he didn't know what he was doing.

I'll call him "Bob."

Judging from the junk mail that still came for him, Bob was mostly a woodworker. He built a quilt rack, pocket doors and some other projects that were really nice. But he wasn't an electrician. Nothing was up to code. (Yes, our inspector should have caught Bob's mistakes, but this was in Florida. Things don't work in Florida the way they do other places.) Bob had made a real mess of the wiring. We're lucky he didn't cause a fire.

My dad was never a DIY-er. He'd call his brother or ask a neighbor to install a light switch or fix the toilet. After that first visit from the electrician, I decided I wasn't going to call professionals for home repairs unless it was absolutely necessary. I got a couple of books, grilled the guys at Home Depot and learned how to replace a light switch, how to install a ceiling fan, replace shingles on a hurricane-whipped roof. I'm pretty comfortable doing light repairs.

But this garage door business, that was something else. So many parts, so high off the ground. It wasn't a one-person job. I felt lame hiring someone to put it in, but I know when I'm licked.

Don't try this at home

Someday, your garage door opener will break, and you'll be tempted to replace it yourself. Don't.

Unless there's another guy there to help you, and unless that guy knows what he's doing, you're better off paying Lowes the $105 to have it installed.

Trust me.

Happy Easter!

Went to the church downtown where we went at Christmas. Parked right in front, but it was roped off, and there were no steps. Turns out they're doing some remodeling, so we had to drive around to the side. We don't go to church much. We picked that because it's downtown, it's old and it's pretty.

Well, because of the remodeling, services were in the multipurpose room.

The room was cinderblock with tile floors, so every "DA-DA" out of the baby's mouth just echoed. He lasted 10 minutes, then I took him out. I was going to take him to the car, but I'd left my keys in my coat pocket, which I'd left in the pew. So I'm carrying him, and my pants start to droop, and that's when I realized I'd forgotten to wear a belt.

So, we walk around the corner to Starbucks. It's packed. I get a coffee and get Junior a Odwalla fruit smoothie. I grab the only table, a four top. This family comes in and I can feel them glaring at me, because I was taking up an entire table, and there's four of them. Also, one of their daughters was on crutches. So, they find an empty chair nearby and pointedly ask whether I'm using the other chairs at my table.

Finally, we leave. Starbucks is smack across the street from the church, but I have to walk around the block to go in the side entrace.

I get in, give Junior to the wife -- just as they're finishing the last hymn. I missed the whole thing.

When we got outside, I asked our 7-year-old how she liked it. She goes, "It was kinda boring. All they did was talk about the Bible."

So, that's my Easter story.